WORCESTER—For several years Nicole Bell-Pena was the face of hope for those battling substance abuse, homelessness and human trafficking in the city.
With nine years of sobriety, she was an example for what could be and she’d helped so many others along the way.
So when in March of 2023 she walked out the door of the home she shares with her husband and two children and straight into the world of relapse, those who knew her were stunned.
Some quickly turned their backs but many never gave up on her.
”They hung on tight. They showed up,” Bell-Pena said. “I was lucky. I had support.”
In the months before her relapse, Bell-Pena had been speaking out about the mistreatment of those with substance abuse disorder. She’d raised her voice in an effort to protect prostituted women she believed were being further victimized by those charged with helping. She took on big organizations but her work was quietly taking a toll on her.
”I was overwhelmed,” she said. “I didn’t share that with anyone. I turned inward and that was the wrong way to go.”
Then, like many others who live with depression, she stopped taking medication for that because she felt good and convinced herself she didn’t need it.
”I wasn’t taking care of myself,” she said, adding that it’s a common misstep for those caught up in caring for others.
Her husband, Manny, stepped up. He managed their home with help from her dad who came from out of state.
And he made hard decisions. While trying to convince his wife to come home he simultaneously worked to leverage other tools, such as a court-ordered Section 12, to force his wife into treatment.
He just kept showing up, she said.
Women using beside her on the street near Crompton Park told her she didn’t belong there and urged her to get help.
But Bell-Pena is a fighter and she wasn’t ready. Until, months later, she was.
“There was some intrinsic shift, something inside me said, ‘I can’t do this’,” she said.
She walked into Dr. Matilde [Mattie] Castiel’s office and asked for help.
Castiel, Worcester’s commissioner for health and human Services, never missed a beat and helped Bell-Pena find what she needed.
Castiel, Bell-Pena-said, would have done the same for anyone who asked.
Judge Timothy Bibaud supported her, too.
Coming back from the relapse was hard, Bell-Pena said. It was harder than getting clean the first time and she was surprised at just how easily she’d slipped back into that old life.
”It was a good lesson,” she said. “People with substance abuse disorder can relapse at any time.”
Now, with continuing treatment, she’s back.
Bell-Pena is running an outreach effort from the trunk of her car. Clothing, personal care items and other needs of those still on the streets are stacked in her garage.
”I feel like I have purpose again,” she said.
There were months of dark days: overdoses, sleeping in the cold, ugly demons rearing their heads, sometimes she felt a sense of abandonment.
But at the Latin American Health Alliance where Bell-Pena is a board member, her seat waited.
She’s back there and volunteers at the Hector Reyes House, writing grants and supporting Cafe Reyes, a bright, pleasant Shrewsbury Street Cuban restaurant that offers job training for men.
During her nine years of sobriety, Bell-Pena founded an organization to help other women. Now she’s back to the grassroots, boots on the ground, style of outreach she loves.
”Women are asking me for help; help with court … all kinds of things,” she said, adding that she can and will help.
”I pull up with clothes, makeup, hygiene products and say, “hey, do you need clothes?’ They always do,” she said.
“I’m networking. I have people asking to go to treatment and I’ve used resources I have to help with that,” Bell-Pena said.
It’s where she feels and does her best and she’s shedding the shame of relapsing and the imposter syndrome that has sometimes crept in telling her she doesn’t deserve a home, a loving husband, a family.
Bell-Pena knows there is still much advocacy work to be done and she is worried that while women are arrested and charged with prostitution, the demand for prostitution isn’t being addressed.
”That’s something we need to look at,” she said.
Rendering herself homeless and picking up the drugs she’d shunned for so long reminded her of how it feels when people turn away from those in need.
She believes people probably want to help but aren’t sure how.
“I think they think they can’t so they don’t even try,” she said.
She’s happy to accept donations of clean, summer clothing in good condition. Makeup, hygiene products and non-perishable foods that don’t require preparation or refrigeration are welcomed. An email to NikkiBell42@outlook.com can connect people who want to donate to Bell-Pena.
But if donating isn’t possible, it’s still as easy as offering a smile or perhaps keeping extra snacks in the car to hand to someone who’s standing near a red light asking for help.
“Just treat them like human beings,” she said. Don’t just look away.”
Kim Ring fell into journalism in the 1980s as a correspondent at the Telegram & Gazette and eventually left her initial career to pursue reporting full-time. In her years of writing, she has penned articles for several Massachusetts-based publications, taking a brief hiatus to work as chief of staff for a state representative. She can be reached at Kimringwrites@gmail.com
